there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
