Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
