You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
