I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
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