then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
