You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
