Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
