He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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