Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
