I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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