it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
