I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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