and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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