I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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