I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Small penises have feelings too.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
