i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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