She is in my trunk
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
