Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
