my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
