Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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