Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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