My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
