1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
