Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize