he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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