I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
