so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
