told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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