I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
