I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize