k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
