He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
