There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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