worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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