dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
