My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
