I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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