I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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