I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize