Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
