It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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