I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
