I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize