just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
