please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
