Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
