Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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