Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
