mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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