I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize