Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was born a porn star she said
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
