wakey wakey hands off snakey
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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