What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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