i don't like sucking hair
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
