they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
