You made me cry and you don't even care
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off