I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS