the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory