I faked an abortion last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
