He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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