You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
