oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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