it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.