Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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