fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
