it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
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He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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