I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
